| hey Silver
i miss how it felt to have you know me so well,
even when it killed me that you were right.
insomnia is for lovers, but im so loveless. |
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| cum to me baby, crack open at the seams
splinter,crust,flake, dissolve for me
i know like God knows, you wont do it for yourself.
im overflowing again, it IS 1 am
i need to spill over
but theres no container big enough and im not the type to flood anymore
i hate your fucking umbrellas. & your clock in clock out sheet
i hate all the things il hate to have to do
to be able to do anything
and i hate that in this moment there is only you and only me
the sky is my only company, and for the first time she's failing
in comparison to your blackhole eyes
its a windy nothing outside
and even with this love like a hurrican and my mind like the sea........
your presence has never been more dry.
i need you to need me
i know you never really will.
& i know i wouldnt have it,if it wernt just like this.
but iv been raining since august
waiting damp and dehydrated for this moment
to confirm youd be firmly in the dessert.
il be awake at dawn,strewn with a disguise of lovely clothes, prepared for the sandstorm
that you'll casually tuck under your hat
If she loved you even half as much as I do I know she couldnt be prouder. |
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| i hate you more for the times when your not on my mind. thoes hours are lovely facades that never take to long to fade...because they crumble the moment someone touches me. and i try to be so impulsive and use thoes caressess to build back my confidance but my skin crawls my stomach drops. im just fucking stuck. whoever it is laying next to me is not you. and they just wont do. this skin is allergic to anyones elses touches...and though i try to not preoccupy my mind with thoes memories of showers & park swings & the book you bought me.... i cannot change biology,there is no fooling my body. |
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| i heard a death rattle in my chest this morning.
it confussed me even as it happened. a small noise from my rib cage as i exhaled. but its breathing.
the possibilities going through her mind are as clear to me asif painted on the walls.and i havnt got the heart to turn them down...or the mind to let them live...tried so hard to protect her,so long, but i couldnt save her from me. |
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| I want it hard now.
but only like before. its such an all or nothing world. theres a kind of secret invincibility in being the grey matter.and i feel it, as it shifts in tie dye swirls to the darker blackerside. feel it in the hardening of my bones. the distance in my eyes.i'll only take it if its rough.
i dont want any of your cushion,it was never enough.
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